infinity

I was living in Canada at the time, so I must have been younger than 9... maybe 7. And I conducted my experiment on Spirograph paper. I must have been told that numbers - counting - never ends. But I needed to test it. Did I not believe it? Did I think I was going to discover a truth missed by all but myself: that numbers did in fact end?

I persevered, writing numbers from one to well into the tens of thousands. Columns and columns of numbers, until I ran out of paper. Then I stopped. At least I had used my paper.

I've never really been convinced to stop believing that maybe there is a stop somewhere down the line. That an end to the impossible, is possible. That there are undiscovered truths, right there in plain sight, if you just keep looking, keep searching.

Colour of your mind

“I believe that you are sincere and good at heart. If you do not attain happiness, always remember that you are on a good path, and try not to leave it. Above all, avoid lies, all lies, especially the lie to yourself. Keep watch on your own lie and examine it every hour, every minute. And avoid contempt, both of others and of yourself: what seems bad to you in yourself is purified by the very fact that you have noticed it in yourself. And avoid fear, though fear is simply the consequence of every lie. Never be frightened at your own faintheartedness in attaining love, and meanwhile do not even be very frightened by your own bad acts. I am sorry that I can not say anything more comforting, for active love is a harsh and fearful thing compared with love in dreams. Love in dreams thirsts for immediate action, quickly performed, and with everyone watching. Indeed, it will go as far as the giving of one's life, provided it does not take long but is soon over, as on stage, and everyone is looking on and praising. Whereas active love is labor and perseverence, and for some people, perhaps, a whole science. But I predict that even in that very moment when you see with horror that despite all your efforts, you not only have not come nearer your goal but seem to have gotten farther from it, at that very moment — I predict this to you — you will suddenly reach your goal... ”

Fyoder Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

Emily has become inscrutable...

Swum away.





A momentary muse taught me not all was lies; and the power of truth.

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